I didn’t grow up planning to become a CEO. It simply wasn’t on my radar. I was the quiet girl in class, the good girl. As a young Black woman, I knew I had to work harder than most. I believed that if I did the work, the results would speak for themselves.

But leadership doesn’t always reward quiet excellence. Because here’s the thing: it’s not just about what you do but how others receive you. And for women, especially women of color, that dynamic is layered, complicated, and often deeply unfair.

One of the defining moments in my career came when I was named Chief Operating Officer of BET Networks. After years of dedication, pouring myself into a company I loved—it was finally official: I would be running the company’s day-to-day operations. But when the announcement was made, I walked into the conference room and felt the energy shift. It was tense. Cold. My male colleagues, some I considered friends, looked openly upset. Not because I wasn’t qualified, but because I wasn’t them.

Then came the final blow. Bob Johnson, the founder and then-CEO, turned to me and said, “Debra, would you step out of the room for a moment?”

I was stunned. I had just been named COO, and I was being asked to leave the room where my promotion was being discussed - without me. That “good girl” voice inside urged me not to make a scene. So I stepped out.

The message was clear: my leadership wasn’t fully welcomed. Not by the men in that room. And not entirely by the man who had just named me his number two.

Later, Bob told me, “I told them not to worry, you can’t fire them.” I was floored. I had the title, but not the authority. That moment taught me an essential truth: leadership as a woman often comes with limits, spoken and unspoken, and it’s up to us to push past them.

Because the seat at the table is just the beginning. As women, we often have to claim the authority that should come with our title, again and again. I had assumed my work spoke for itself, but I quickly realized it would take so much more.

Over time, the title, the respect for my position, and what I had accomplished to earn it, followed. I found my voice. I built a team. And I discovered that I didn’t have to lead like the men around me to be effective. In fact, my strength came from leading differently.

There’s a common misconception that leaders must be the loudest voice in the room, the one with all the answers. But I’ve learned that real leadership is about listening. It’s about vision. It’s about building the right team and then letting them shine. The best leaders don’t take all the credit. They create space for others to succeed.

Woman breaks glass ceiling. Inequality and sexism concept. Vector illustration. (Getty Im

I once gave a board presentation and was later told, “You didn’t use the word ‘I’ enough.” Honestly? That’s some of the worst advice I’ve ever received. Because no one accomplishes anything alone. I said “we” because it was true. Behind every strategic decision, every milestone, was a team giving their all. When you celebrate people’s brilliance, they stay invested—not just in the work, but in the mission. That’s how you build real loyalty. Real unity. Real success.

In every leadership role I’ve held, that philosophy has proven itself. Hire subject matter experts. Let them lead. Give them credit. When your team feels seen, the whole organization rises. You don’t have to be the loudest or the smartest person in the room - just the one who creates the conditions for others to thrive.

Women don’t need to hoard power to prove our worth. We don’t need to fear the brilliance around us. When you’ve built the right team and everyone is aligned on the same vision, lifting others doesn’t diminish your light; it amplifies it.

I still recognize that younger version of myself - the good girl who hesitated to push back. But leadership has taught me this: when the rules don’t work for you, it’s okay to rewrite them. It’s not about fitting in; it’s about standing up - even when the room is silent, even when your power is questioned. You don’t need to follow someone else’s model. Lead in a way that honors your truth, not someone else’s blueprint.

To the women rising now, especially young women of color, here’s what I want you to know: don’t wait for permission. Don’t wait for unanimous approval. Trust your gut. Be firm, be fair, and show up exactly as you are. The future of leadership doesn’t have to look like the past. It can look like collaboration. Like compassion. Like clarity. It can sound like “we” instead of “I.”

And when we lead on our own terms, everyone wins.

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This editorial was written by Debra Lee, author of I AM DEBRA LEE and former Chairman and CEO of BET Networks. Over her 30+ year career at BET, she held key roles including General Counsel and COO, driving original programming and championing Black culture. She founded Leading Women Defined and co-founded Monarch Collective, both focused on uplifting women and the BIPOC community. Debra also serves on the boards of Marriott, Procter & Gamble, and Warner Bros. Discovery.

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